Forty Years of Love and a New Season of Perspective

This month, my parents celebrated 40 years of marriage.

My mom likes to joke that the secret to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. After forty years together, I don’t think anyone is in a position to argue with her.

While I suspect there may be a few other ingredients involved, watching them celebrate this milestone made me reflect on all that can happen in four decades. Forty years of laughter, disagreements, sacrifices, grief, growth, memories, love, and choosing each other again and again. Watching them celebrate inspired me to write a devotional in their honor, “40 Years of Love: A Daughter’s Tribute to the Marriage That Reflected God’s Love.”

What surprised me was how much writing the devotional caused me to reflect on my own life. 

The older I get, the more I realize this devotional wasn’t really about marriage at all. It was about watching two imperfect people keep showing up for each other year after year. It was about grace, commitment, forgiveness, and the daily choices that build a life together. Those lessons apply whether you’re married, single, leading a team, caring for family, building a business, or simply trying to become the person God created you to be.

Lately, I’ve become increasingly aware that I am in a new season. Many of the circumstances around me haven’t changed dramatically, but I have. Things that once caused me stress, anxiety, frustration, or sleepless nights simply don’t carry the same weight they used to.

I wish I could point to one moment and tell you exactly when everything changed, but I can’t. It happened slowly through prayer, disappointment, growth, and God patiently teaching me lessons that I apparently needed repeated more than once.

One of the biggest changes I’ve noticed is that I am no longer spending as much energy trying to control outcomes. Now, I find myself responding differently. Thank God!

That doesn’t mean I have fully mastered anything. I still worry sometimes. I still get frustrated (traffic still has a stronghold on me). I still miss the mark. The difference is that I recover more quickly than I used to.

God is no longer just a part of my life, or even first in my life. He has truly become the center of it. I know I’ve shared similar sentiments before, but I am seeing and experiencing it differently in this season.

When God is at the center, it changes how you see everything else. Challenges don’t disappear, but they stop feeling quite so threatening. Disappointments still hurt, but they no longer define your story. Other people’s opinions lose their ability to determine your worth. You begin to realize that not every battle requires a response, not every opportunity is yours to pursue, and not every closed door is a loss.

One thing I’ve learned is that the lessons don’t stop just because we get older. God has a funny way of bringing the same lesson back around until we finally learn what He was trying to teach us the first time. I am learning that maturity is not measured by how few tests we face. It is measured by how differently we respond when the tests come.

As I reflected on my parents’ marriage, I realized that one of the greatest lessons they taught me was consistency. Their relationship wasn’t built on grand gestures every day. It was built on thousands of ordinary choices made over forty years. They showed up for each other. They worked through challenges. They stayed committed during seasons that were easier and seasons that were harder.

My walk with God has taught me something similar. Spiritual growth is rarely found in the big moments. More often, it is found in the ordinary, everyday decisions to trust, forgive, surrender, pray, and keep moving forward even when the path isn’t completely clear.

One of the things I am most grateful for is that God continues to reveal areas where I still need to grow while also allowing me to see evidence of the growth that has already taken place. There are situations today that would have had me overthinking, overanalyzing, talking about them to three friends, and losing sleep ten years ago. Now, I find myself praying first and reacting later. That’s growth.

As I celebrate my parents’ forty years of marriage, I am also celebrating the work God continues to do in me. While I still have much to learn, I can honestly say that I see life differently than I once did.

And for that, I am deeply grateful.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

Proverbs 3:5-6